Eurovision 2024: Grand Final performance reviews: bottom half

It happened weeks ago now, but the 2024 Eurovision Grand Final provided plenty of entertainment, some controversy, and gave me plenty to think about too. So, somewhat delayed, here are my reviews of the Grand Final performances. Like last year, I'll review the acts in reverse order of placing, and in 2 parts to avoid reader fatigue. I'll use the same scoring system as ever (see * below) and because I've already reviewed the studio versions of these songs I'll be concentrating on the live performance from Grand Final night. Here goes!

2024 Grand Final: the bottom half

(25) Norway: Gåte - "Ulveham" ★★★😮😮😮😮

There's no question for me that in last place, Norway's Gåte receive my Most Blatantly Robbed award for 2024, taking the baton from Spain's Blanca Paloma in 2023. I didn't predict huge televote numbers but I thought they'd get a solid public vote which, combined with the good jury scores I assumed they'd get, made me predict a top 10 finish. The public vote I can perhaps understand but I find it astonishing that only 6 national juries awarded Norway any points at all (in other words, this song did not even make the top 10 for 31 out of 37 juries). This was a huge prediction failure from me, and I firmly hope that Norway's poor placing this year doesn't scare them into entering a "safe" song next year, because this was an amazing show of exactly the sort that I think should be in the Eurovision mix. Their staging had the perfect atmosphere for this gruesome fairy tale and I absolutely loved hearing Norwegian text and the sound of the nyckelharpa. Gunnhild's vocal performance was impeccable on the night: powerful and heroic, yet tragic and sorrowful. Gåte should be proud, and I was absolutely elated to discover that they are touring to the UK later this year - gig ticket already bought!

(24) Austria: Kaleen - "We Will Rave" ★★😮

This served as a good show-closer but Kaleen's vocal delivery never progressed beyond adequate, not being particularly confident and frequently drifting a little bit sharp. Relatedly, this is another composition that seems in parts to sit uncomfortably low for the female voice entrusted with singing it. No obvious mistakes though, and the visual stage show carried the energy just fine. I'm not surprised this finished in the bottom half, but 2nd last placing feels a bit harsh.

(23) Slovenia: Raiven - "Veronika" ★★😮😮

I worried in my original review that this tune was maybe a bit *too* epic for a 3 minute spot but I think that actually the choreography helped "earn" the big climax (wordless soprano wailing) and the whole performance came across very strongly (despite the stage being basically empty). Raiven's vocals were generally very solid, with only the tiny hint of hesitance at the beginning preventing me from scoring this as 3 sing-y faces. I'm glad it qualified, and maybe it deserved a better placing, but overall: nice job Raiven.

(22) Spain: Nebulossa - "Zorra" ★★😮

Well, this turned out mostly as I expected, namely: unremarkable execution; loads of fun nevertheless; poor placing in the final results. You know what, Spain? That's fine. Great, even. One of my pet peeves in the world of Eurovision punditry is the apparent assumption that the competitive aspect is all that matters, scolding national delegations for not choosing their acts more wisely or failing to somehow read the minds of potential televoters. This attitude fails to fully accept the obvious truth that a competition will by definition create losers, and that the underlying worth of the contest is surely in its entertainment value. If a country sends a fun song that its citizens are proud of, if it stands out a bit from the crowd, and if it has no obvious mistakes in its performance, that's a positive thing whatever the results say. Bien hecho, Nebulossa, you achieved all that. I was pleasantly surprised that Mery's point-the-mic-at-the-crowd moment ("soy mas zorra todavia") worked with the crowd in the Malmö arena, as I worried that might fall flat with an audience not entirely consisting of Spaniards. The vocal delivery did the job and avoided any glaring mistakes, though I still failed to completely relax while listening as I could sense Mery struggling to generate volume in the low register and also prevent herself from drifting sharp in the higher parts.

(21) Georgia: Nutsa Buzaladze -"Firefighter"😮😮😮

Although I steadfastly dislike the song still, I noticed a definite evolution in its reception amongst the Eurovision commentariat between my initial review of the song and the Semi-Final performance. Plenty of commentators became very sure that Nutsa would blow us away with her performance, while I was convinced this was all Eurovision fan hype and this act wouldn't even qualify. Well, it did qualify, and in the final, the quality of vocal delivery was excellent. Nutsa managed to belt out all of the vocal line in time and in tune, and given the pop-latin style of the tune plus the energetic choreography (which inevitably induced a little breathiness) it's difficult to imagine a better showing really. However I'm not so surprised at the final placing because of the embarrassing lyrics, the unoriginal production of the backing track, and the multitude of other strong acts competing for votes. Still: a good performance, proudly executed, and a real boost for Georgia after an extended streak of non-qualification for the Grand Final.

(20) Estonia: 5miinust & Puuluup - "(Nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi" ★★★

Well I was slightly worried this might not qualify for the Grand Final, and if the quality of the vocals was all that mattered I'd honestly say these guys didn't deserve to progress based on their Semi-Final 2 performance. I'll grant them that the vocals were not as bad in the final as they were in the semi, but this was still a terrible live performance and deserves some sort of award for the biggest gap in quality between recorded song and live performance. The first vocalist began in tune at least, but quickly drifted sharp again. Thankfully the rest of the group weren't quite as out of tune as last time but still the general tendency was to drift sharp. I realise they were going for the chaotic party feel, and I've got no complaints about the basic staging... but the vocals were overall still terrible, and this is a song contest, so... zero sing-y faces from me. I'm still interested in what their upcoming album sounds like, but I won't bother to see them live if they do ever tour to the UK (it doesn't look like they plan to do so currently). I might check out Puuluup on their own though, if I ever get a chance.

(19) Finland: Windows95man - "No Rules!" ★★★😮😮

This was a stunning execution of a silly but well-crafted joke. I struggle to know what to say to people who think this somehow doesn't belong in Eurovision, except perhaps: I understand you might find this particular joke in poor taste, but your taste in humour doesn't get to dictate who gets to enter Eurovision, and for many of us this kind of entry brings great joy. Besides, writing this act off as solely a joke or troll entry misses so much that is actually quite wholesome, if not actually deep or meaningful. Sure, the whole song is a nostalgic parody that is intentionally silly, that is undeniable. And apart from the musical cliches which I've already written about, there are so many jokes underlying the staging of this performance:

• an ages-old visual gag implying that, but for a fantastic string of coincidences, we the TV audience would have been subject to 2 minutes worth of indecent exposure from Teemu Keisteri, apparently naked from the waist down;
• an act billed as Windows95man contains almost no singing from Windows95man himself;
• the actual singer is not officially credited and only ended up part of the act by accident, having performed on a demo;
• this act finished last according to the jurors in Finland's national selection, but overwhelming popular support was enough to override the jury score. The Finnish viewing public *really* wanted this to represent them.

Teemu (Windows95man) and Henri really went all-in for the run-up campaign to the contest, recording a "Spa Mix" for extra 90s nostalgia, plus a version arranged for classical orchestra, performed with the Tapiola Sinfonietta. Post-contest, Teemu then followed that up by releasing a "MEGAMIX" E.P. which includes "happy hardcore" and "rave" remixes. All the available versions are skillfully done, and composed with obvious affection for the styles they parody... which leads me to a more general observation: Teemu and Henri are not faking their enthusiasm when on stage, meaning that though this act is a joke, it's not *just* a joke. The enthusiasm from them both was infectious, and while they were joking, they were *sincerely* joking.

I can't in all sincerity award 3 sing-y faces to the Grand Final performance because I didn't think Henri's switch over to falsetto was as confident and in tune as it maybe could have been, but overall this was a consistent vocal delivery, and crucially for me, better mixed so that I could hear Henri's lead vocals much clearer than I could in the semi final. On a related note, this act once more brings up the fundamental problem of allowing backing vocals on playback. The presence of audible backing vocals on this song, plus the lack of any obvious live backing singers, combined with only 4 people being on stage for most of the song, all ultimately means that the listener can't ever be sure whether they're listening to live vocals or not. I've seen the suggestion that there were actually 2 live backing singers, one of whom doubled as the fake stage manager who strategically thrusts a fake clipboard full of rules in front of Windows95man's crotch. This is plausible, but I've been unable to confirm or deny it, and the resulting uncertainty severely undermines the integrity of the contest in my opinion.

(18) United Kingdom: Olly Alexander - "Dizzy" ★😮😮

Well this was a surprise in several ways. On the plus side, the staging was boldly memorable (acrobatic dancers appearing to defy gravity) but that was counterweighted by the overall aggressively sexual feel of the performance (horny blokes in a changing room shower). Nothing wrong with that in my book per se but it didn't really complement the feel of the music or the sentiment of the lyrics, which I would argue are dreamy and romantic-sounding. And then Olly Alexander didn't really do anything specially vocally here in the Grand Final - his vocal tone sounded a little thinner than usual and honestly I wonder if he wasn't just mixed a little too quiet in comparison to the backing track. But having said that though, I do also wonder if he could have pumped a bit more air from his lungs and belted out a bit more - a couple of times he seemed to back off in a way that just sounded a bit weak. I still think he was competently in-tune for most of the delivery with just one moment where I wondered if he'd drifted sharp, but honestly couldn't be sure because he was almost lost amongst the backing track. Some commentators have described this as a genuine failure, saying things like "I bet Olly regrets ever signing up to do Eurovision", and perhaps they're right. But I think this was an OK performance and I also think its final ranking isn't unfair.

(17) Serbia: Teya Dora - "Ramonda"😮😮

Excellent vocal delivery here as expected, plus as an added bonus the vocals in the backing track did not detract too much from the lead vocal (though I'd still have preferred live singing or just no backing voices at all). I think the main thing holding this performance back was the musical material itself, not having much in the way of interesting harmony, melody or orchestration (for my taste at least). In a Grand Final with multiple competing slow, heartfelt ballads, I'm not too surprised this landed in the bottom half. Good job from Teya Dora nevertheless.

(16) Latvia: Dons - "Hollow" ★😮😮😮

Another well-delivered ballad and a definite underdog over-performance. Neither I nor seemingly anyone else expected Dons to qualify for the final and his Grand Final performance was really solid. Pleasingly, the backing track for this did not get in the way of Dons' live vocal, the delivery of which reatained the accuracy and expressiveness of his semi final performance. I'm not going to lie and pretend I suddenly love this song, but of all this year's pop ballads, I think this is second only to Iolanda's Grito for my money. Overall a cracking job from Dons, breaking Latvia's non-qualification streak and placing respectably in the Grand Final.

(15) Cyprus: Silia Kapsis - "Liar" ★★😮

Credit is due to Silia Kapsis for both qualifying for the final and knocking out a decent performance on the night, at an age where she can't even legally buy horrifically-overpriced alcohol in Malmö's Systembolaget. I don't think in all honesty I can say the vocal performance was any more than adequate, but despite all the dancing she held together a more or less in tune and confident delivery.

The major complaint I had here was about my emerging nemesis: vocals on playback. It appears that significant chunks of this weren't actually sung by Silia at all - the main example being "because of [you].. I'll make it [through]..." where "you" and "through" in brackets were only audible from the playback track. To be fair, the live vocals blended nicely with the recorded track and this issue was only noticeable because of a sudden drop in volume. Now, I can see why this might have been done: Silia's choreography was pretty energetic and she perhaps wasn't able to consistently sing the melismas on those words to an acceptable standard given the circumstances. But my response to that is, more or less, "tough!". Either alter the song to match the singer's capacity; change the choreography; or get another live singer to sing that bit. Anything except what actually happened, namely sneakily doubling the lead vocal line on a recording so that the live singer can just drop out and give the impression she's still singing. This example is especially galling because the recorded vocals in question can hardly be described as "backing" - it's a literal continuation of the lead melody. And on top of all of that, because of the current rules, I still can't be absolutely sure of what I'm actually hearing just from watching and listening to the available footage. Frankly it shouldn't be this confusing.

(14) Lithuania: Silvester Belt - "Luktelk" ★😮😮

I'm afraid this performance didn't do anything to change my opinion of the song (nice groove, but the lack of musical development makes it boring) however Silvester did give us a decently accurate rendition on the night. I'm really happy he got a solid mid-table result, and it was well-deserved. I still don't understand why the song inspired so much enthusiasm in some fans, but hey, that's musical taste for you. If we all totally agreed on what was good this whole Eurovision business would be incredibly boring!

My predictions: 53% correct up to this point

So having covered the bottom half of the Grand Final results, my prediction percentage is down even further - 8 out of 15 predictions correct. Having correctly predicted Estonia wouldn't finish in the Top10, my predicted Top 10 finishes for Norway and Finland spectacularly failed to materialise. Onwards to the top half of the scoreboard!

==

* My scoring system in 2 parts: first for the song composition itself, incorporating the studio recording:

no stars = if I had control of the playlist I would turn it off or skip

★ wouldn't skip if it came up on shuffle

★★ on my "2024 Eurovision Favourites" playlist on Spotify

★★★ spent my own money getting a digital download; gone digging around their back catalogue for more stuff

★★★★ bought their entire back catalogue; checking out tour dates

Next, vocal performance on the night (just the vocals because everything else is recorded and played back):

No faces = out of tune or poor tone, either on average, or with a small number of mistakes so glaring the song is ruined

😮 Good enough to execute the song competently on the night without drawing attention to any mistakes that did occur.

😮😮Control and artistry was demonstrated, but not for the whole song.

😮😮😮Consistent control and artistic judgement throughout.

😮😮😮😮In control and musically well-judged, with genuinely impressive stand-out moments.